8 days

Wow...I can't even believe this.  Recital is in 8 days.  It's so incredible how it feels like this year went by so quickly; I'm almost so taken back about that thought that it's basically almost over.  It's such a shock.  Another great year, passed and almost over and done with in MDI history.  It doesn't even feel like 6 years knowing all of the great people I know now from starting at Metro either.  It feels like I've been there WAY longer than that.

I have to say, this year's dances, in my own age level could've been SO much better if other people put the time and effort into making them what Lisa imagined when she choreographed it for us.  It makes me sad sometimes that we disappoint her if we don't dance to the expectations she holds for us when she gives us this amazing routine and we can't pull it off because of only a couple of people holding it back; and I gotta say, it's a shame to the people who try their hardest and give it their all...full into it, 100%.

But I am SUPER STOKED for this next week just to fly, go to dress rehearsals and take like a zillion pictures of everyone.  My dad's gonna be at dress rehearsal since he's not coming to the actual show because of my cousin's wedding that Friday.  So he and my two brothers will be in Chicago while I'm dancing my heart out here in New Jersey.  Should be fun...at least I have a lot of my friends and some family coming to the recital to support me.  And I'll be with my second family the entire day and basically most, if not all, of next week...should be fun.  =D

i hope you're up there somewhere

YAY! SO, I have a story for you...ready for this?! Ok, so after school, my dad told me that one of my neighbors had a possible job for me to interview at for the summer. So obviously I was like OK! =D It was at Loving Touch Nursery School on Broadway across from the Hillsdale Shoprite.

I filled out an application but because my neighbor was like BEST FRIENDS with the lady who owned it, Michelle, she basically said that I had the job...so uhm...I WIN! So I will officially be working at Loving Touch for the summer, every week day from 2-6, earning $7.50 an hour. So that's like...$150 a week! YUSSSS! =] And now Rebecca's here and we just ordered Crecco's. I don't know if anyone knows but I've had this INSANE craving for them for like 2 weeks...no joke. & she says hi to whoever's reading this =] We really wanna watch a movie, but I don't think she's staying that long, so we won't...mmkays, I think that's all for today. Bye buddies!

Ginny HAPPY =D

here she stands today

So tonight was the PV Arts Festival.  It was a pretty good time; although we were kinda performing for like nobody...that was the only thing.  Not a lot of people really came, which was a little on the let down side, but I'll deal.  My two songs went very well, I got SO nervous for my first one but then did FINE and the second one was fun, but kind of awkward to do in front of so little people.  I didn't headbang or anything and it really wasn't all that hardcore like we thought it would be, but it was kinda unexciting because THERE WEREN'T ANY PEOPLE THERE.  I don't know, maybe like 30?  No, not even 30 people in the auditorium at once.

People kept on getting up and just fucking walking out of the auditorium like they could just leave when they wanted to.  It was actually really rude and disrespectful.  I was looking forward to having some special people come, but that kinda didn't happen either.  I invited Christine and Brandi.  It was Brandi's little brother's birthday so she couldn't make it, but I really don't know why Christine wasn't there...I called her yesterday and it seemed like I interrupted something when she answered the phone [[although she told me it was fine]] because it was a kind of awkward conversation we had for like the whole 60 seconds I spoke to her and told her about tonight.  She said she might be going to a graduation party for one of her friends but wasn't sure about it because she didn't know if some people would be there or not.  It seemed like when I talked to her yesterday that she was set on coming, or at least that's how I took it...maybe I misunderstood?  Because I didn't see her at all.

I have to admit, that made me  little sad knowing that she didn't come.  Or not showing up and not calling me beforehand so then I don't get all excited to see her and waiting the whole night to see if she was there.  I was really looking forward to having her come since she was the only one who was actually coming out of the two of them.  Oh well...maybe next time, I guess.

so, i've been thinking...

I've basically been thinking how much my life has changed through these past couple of years.  All of the people I've met, the people I've lost, and just things that have happened.  Now that freshman year is basically almost over [[ not even 2 weeks left! =D]], I've just been having these inspirational thoughts and epiphanies a lot throughout my day.  I really don't know why and the reasoning behind them, but they're actually doing me a world of good.  They're making me think about things that have happened in different perspectives and it makes me think about the things that are going to happen.

I guess it's true when it's said that there really are two sides to every story.  I've been realizing that a lot lately.  Something that might seem like a big deal at the time like a break-up between two of your really good friends, or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time but over time, you realize that is was kinda insignificant and you look back on how you reacted to that particular situation and you think...Wow, that was kind of stupid.

Your reactions to certain things you may have done in the past changes as you get older and no one can stop that from happening, no matter how hard they try.  You just have to go with it and work with whatever happens.  No matter how often we may want to and how desirable it may seem, it's physically impossible to turn back time...so use it wisely to make the best times in your life worth while and things that you will always remember.

WHAT, NO!

Ok, so I'm in french class now and it's fourth period.  We have a sub and I don't feel like doing the worksheets my teacher left for us.  It's on whatever we learned yesterday and I really don't have the patience for it.  On another note, I'm super excited that it's Friday.  This week went pretty fast actually, I don't know what it is...But anyways, I just kinda want this school day to be over so I can go home and go to dance.

Oh, I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but I've officially cut myself out of the Crapshooter's Dance for the recital.  I just have this huge problem with these stupid, fucking dice boxes, I wouldn't be able to handle it anyways.  I'm just SO not comfortable up there AT ALL and I know that Lisa, Lauren, Brandi, and Jess know that too.  & I don't want to make them nervous in doing the dance because I'm nervous.  But that wouldn't be an option anyway because I still can't do the singles up there to save my life and it's kind of useless as of now.  So I'm completely out of it and I kind of feel relieved and upset at the same time.

I'm not going towards the idea that my time was wasted in it, but it was a great experience that I always wanted to do in dancing with them.  Even though I'm not going to be able to do it, it was still fun hanging out with them during class and just experiencing all of the stupid and idiotic things that Lauren would do in class.  That was funny as SHIT.  I'm still in the jazz with them, which is still good.  I'm just always happy to dance with them because they really know what they're doing and take everything about it seriously, where as the girls in my own age group are just stupid and can't seem to shut their mouths during class at all.  Which is why we never get anything done.  & it's stupid because if there are kids in there who actually want to learn and dance, then they shouldn't be brought down because of stupid people who can't fucking shut their mouths for 5 seconds.

Lauren brought me home the other night and we were just talking about the whole thing with tap.  I got in her car and she was just like "I'm going to make a suggestion to you, but please don't take it offensively."  & of course I didn't because it's Lauren, but she basically told me to just forget about the tap dance and not go through with it.  I mean, it was literally 3 weeks until recital [[now it's less OMG!]] and there was no way I could accomplish what I was trying to do with that span of time...NO WAY IN HELL.  & I mean, God forbid, I sprain or worse, break something with trying to maneuver up on those boxes...everyone would be devastated and I wouldn't be able to do the whole show...now THAT would be horrible.

So, problem solved: I'm not doing it.  & that is that.  At least I had a good year dancing with the seniors who are leaving next year.  Well, technically, they're not leaving leaving, Brandi will be in the city and Christine's staying local.  It's not like Sammy, who's all the way down in Virginia.  But I'm sure it really won't be THAT bad.  I will miss them SO much; that's a definite, but I'm sure it won't be something like I'll only see them during breaks and stuff.  They're close enough that if they wanted to come home for the weekend, they definitely could.  So that shouldn't be much of a problem, and I'm not really worrying about it as much as I was earlier in the year; but that's only because I didn't know where they were going and where they would end up.  But since it's close, everything should work out okay.

Ok, well, french class is ending in about a minute, so I'm done for now. =]

such a stress reliever

I'm starting to realize that people can change so drastically before their own eyes and not even notice it.  It's crazy to think like that, but it really does happen.  & it's sad too...seeing the person who once was your bestfriend turn into someone you only see maybe ever so often?  It's scary too, in a way.  You think you knew a person and then one day, everything about them can be remembered as something that existed a while ago.  I miss those times where you could just kick back and hang out without any complications going on.  Those were the times that I will always remember, whether or not the person has changed for the good or the worst.  In this case, I think it's probably a negative change.  And she knows what's going on too.  But i really don't talk about it with her; in fact we never really talk all that much anymore.  & the conversations that we do have basically shoot off the roof and die in a heartbeat...which does literally fucking suck.

But I really have no idea what to do about it at this point.  She's my best friend and we're drifting apart for some obscure reason that I think is just ridiculous and it is kind of her fault.  & she knows that and she's admitted it...BUT FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  GAHH I don't know...maybe this will pan out somehow.

If I smile and don't believe, soon I'll know I'll wake from this dream.

put or or shut up

Ok, so this 5-day break isn't really unfolding to be what I expected...I think I just made one of biggest mistakes I could've made last night and worst of all, no one was online last night for me to talk to about it. It was potentially horrible and I basically embarrassed and degraded myself in front of this person and now it's going to be so, incredibly awkward the next time I see them...great. Wonderful timing.

I just want the rest of this week to fly by so I can just go to the sleepover on Saturday and talk with Brandi, Sam, and Christine about everything that's bothering me. They always help the best and the most, and they're the ones I always turn to for anything, so this shouldn't be any different. I'm sure they can talk to me about what to do and everything...Nothing to do now but wait it out and see what happens. GAHHFUCKINGBITCHCUNTFUCKER. I'm angry. >=|

i want you right there so i can just keep my eyes on you

So I just got back a little while ago from MDI competition. Fabulous...most definitely. Everyone I wanted to be there was there and it was just incredible. Sammy surprised us Thursday by coming to the studio early and I was just so ecstatic to see her...I hadn't seen her since like August 17th, I think. AH TOO LONG. Damn I missed that girl. She looked great and she gave me a huge hug and that felt amazing. I missed her hugs, they always made me feel safe. We were just about to start the ballet so I had to wait the whole entire 7 minute dance before I could run and attack her with hugs. She came with us to competition to watch us and she's taking classes for the remainder of the year and she'll be in the show...of course. =D

So last night, we drove up to Fernwood, leaving at about 8:30 and getting there 2 hours later. And then came the escapade of last minute sewing of costumes and everyone was basically stealing my stuff because when it comes to my dance stuff, I basically have an abundance of everything anyone could possibly need, but it's whatevers. So we were all up until about 1 in the morning doing that, and we had to wake up at 4:50 this morning because we had a 6:15 call because, of course, we were the first dance to start the entire competition off; number 1. That went very well, actually. It really wasn't that bad. It's fun, but I get so frustrated and annoyed at it sometimes because it's really not a real, legit competition...from 6 years of going there, they have never given a routine anything less than a gold; never silver. Which is retarded. If a dance sucks, it sucks. It shouldn't be given a gold. Idiots. And our tap was our best number and we had SO much energy and EVERYONE was on time and hit it so well and we still got third place for some screwed up reason. But all in all, it was a nice 2 days with the girls. But I'm kinda bummed that I did, indeed, bring my camera and yet I took no pictures. UGH.


Celtic Ballet: First place; High gold
Whatchulookinat: First place; High gold
I'm Your Baby Tonight: Second place; High gold
Boriqua: First place, Solid gold
The Prayer: First place; Solid Gold
The Jam: Third Place; High gold