UGH. I am seriously so fucking pissed off at myself right now. I was soooooooo excited and ecstatic and proud of myself last night for FINALLY getting those single turns up on those boxes we have to tap dance on in the Crapshooters Dance...I HAD IT! And I was so stoked and happy with myself today. & I get to class tonight and we go over it, and I bomb so fucking bad. It's like something completely different was going on with me for some reason. I really don't know what.
But on every single turn, I kept leaning forward and falling right off the fucking stupid box. I was getting so mad and I was trying to keep my back up straight, but I was still doing it. I fell off the box really bad in one run through we did, I wiped out so hard...it's a miracle I didn't sprain anything, I swear; it was such a bad fall, but I regained my composure and went on, but it got me so mad. And then Lisa told me to try turning in my character jazz shoes because she said that would be fine to wear at competition if it was easier for me and the judges wouldn't notice because Brandi, Jess, and Lauren would be tapping. So I tried that; it didn't really help all that much.
I was dancing on a different set of boxes than last night so that made my comfort zone out of whack and the box under my left foot was wobbling and making me a little tense in my movements. So I tried the turn and...NOPE. Still fucking fell off. So Lisa just sat me down for a few minutes and told me to work on it all week basically, oh because if if any of you didn't know, competition's NEXT SATURDAY. So, I have a week to get this down and feel comfortable. But she said that if I couldn't do it and get it myself in that time, then I wouldn't do the dance for competition. Because she basically told me that if I feel uncomfortable up there, so will Brandi, Jess, and Lauren. They'd feel uncomfortable and uneasy in fearing for me.
So I guess I'm just going to have to believe in myself and know that I can do this...& keep my back up straight. But I just have to put aside my crap and just get this. I have to stop thinking about it when I know it's coming up in the dance and just go with it and not pull forward...that's what makes me fall and kills the dance basically. I mean, I HAVE to get this. Not performing at competition with them would be horrible, I swear. I mean, if I didn't, then I could probably get it by recital, but still. I really want to; SO BAD. I love dancing with those girls, and not to compete with them would shatter me. If I'm able to do this next weekend and it goes flawless, I swear...1ST PLACE, PLATINUM GOLD FOR US! I guess I can just try my hardest this week and give it everything I've got to get this. I have to do it for them. I just have to.
But on every single turn, I kept leaning forward and falling right off the fucking stupid box. I was getting so mad and I was trying to keep my back up straight, but I was still doing it. I fell off the box really bad in one run through we did, I wiped out so hard...it's a miracle I didn't sprain anything, I swear; it was such a bad fall, but I regained my composure and went on, but it got me so mad. And then Lisa told me to try turning in my character jazz shoes because she said that would be fine to wear at competition if it was easier for me and the judges wouldn't notice because Brandi, Jess, and Lauren would be tapping. So I tried that; it didn't really help all that much.
I was dancing on a different set of boxes than last night so that made my comfort zone out of whack and the box under my left foot was wobbling and making me a little tense in my movements. So I tried the turn and...NOPE. Still fucking fell off. So Lisa just sat me down for a few minutes and told me to work on it all week basically, oh because if if any of you didn't know, competition's NEXT SATURDAY. So, I have a week to get this down and feel comfortable. But she said that if I couldn't do it and get it myself in that time, then I wouldn't do the dance for competition. Because she basically told me that if I feel uncomfortable up there, so will Brandi, Jess, and Lauren. They'd feel uncomfortable and uneasy in fearing for me.
So I guess I'm just going to have to believe in myself and know that I can do this...& keep my back up straight. But I just have to put aside my crap and just get this. I have to stop thinking about it when I know it's coming up in the dance and just go with it and not pull forward...that's what makes me fall and kills the dance basically. I mean, I HAVE to get this. Not performing at competition with them would be horrible, I swear. I mean, if I didn't, then I could probably get it by recital, but still. I really want to; SO BAD. I love dancing with those girls, and not to compete with them would shatter me. If I'm able to do this next weekend and it goes flawless, I swear...1ST PLACE, PLATINUM GOLD FOR US! I guess I can just try my hardest this week and give it everything I've got to get this. I have to do it for them. I just have to.
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