what else is new?

I'll tell you...NOTHING. I have been so bored these past few days, nothing has really been going on; AND it's only about the last few weeks of summer left before school rolls around again and my friends leave for school...which will suck. This has probably been the fastest summer ever that I've experienced. And for what? Not very much. Yeah, i read a couple good book, had some good days and nights with my friends and such, but nothing has really happened out of the ordinary.

I really wasn't expecting much to happen, but you can always hope or think in that direction of paths, right? I will be going to Six Flags with Sophie and Rebecca soon, so I'm actually really excited for that. And then my annual camping trip in New York State with my family and HOPEFULLY maybe one of these days, doing something with Brandi and/or Christine before they have to leave for school...we haven't done anything ALL summer and that kinda makes me upset. But whatevers...I really don't know if it will eventually happen or not [[probably not "/]]. I know that Christine's going away for the last week of August, so there goes that...

And fuck...the 21st is rolling around way to fast for me to accept it. I hate that. I don't want to be reminded of things that I don't like thinking about. I hope someone worth spending the day with that day will be around...although I will be at the studio, practicing, from 5-9 and I'll have work before that, but still...couldn't hurt.

oh and another thing...

Best Ever <3
12.12.08 =D

YUSSSS.

HA So I finished my book and it was just the most incredible, best, amazing ending that I could ask for EVER. Stephanie Meyer is brilliance and the Twilight Saga are the best books I have ever read and my favorite. I am definitely now anticipating Twilight THE MOVIE coming out on Friday, December 12 of this year and it will be THE BEST EVER. It will kill the 6th new Harry Potter movie in the box office ratings for sureeeee. So...now what do I do?

I went with my dad and Rebecca this morning to the Brooklyn Cruise Terminals to pick up Sophie and her parents. They were coming back from their 3 week vacation in Europe and took a cruise back on the Queen Mary 2. It was so nice to see her and the car ride home with the three of us in the back seat was THE BEST. Hahahah <3

So tonight I have dance for an hour with Brianna and the other seniors. I don't know what we're doing but Brianna said we might be learning Too Darn Hot. I really hope so. Ever since I saw the seniors do that dance 3 years ago, I've ALWAYS been wanting to learn it. I think it's kind of like a secret obsession. YAY =D

"No, you don't know. I just want to feel good and happy and alive. Because if I feel alive, then it doesn't seem like she's dead."

breaking dawn.

So I got my book today and all I've been doing is reading [[taking breaks for the necessities of course, i.e. food and getting up every now and again to stretch my muscles]]. I'm in love with the characters in this series, it's basically unhealthy. && it's the best thing in the world right now <3

holy shit.

So I FINALLY got my new phone today-- LG Voyager <3333. I love it. I'd been waiting to go and get it for almost about two weeks now, so I think it was about time. I haven't gotten a new phone in like 2 years and then I didn't have my phone for a few months because it broke, so I was basically without it for a decent amount of time which made me sad, but I dealt. I'm not like people who CONSTANTLY need to be texting with their phones or "will die" if they don't have one. ANDDDD my dad got an unlimited texting plan so that kind of just added to the fun of things. =D

I went to work today and it was SOOOO BAD. It started out ok, but then Melanie and I were gonna take the kids outside [[we only had 5 today so it wasn't bad]]. We usually use these big, red buggies to take them outside though--we strap them in, one by one, and cart them over to the playgroud...but no. Today we [[well it was Melanie who told me to do it]] had them walk there with us because they're 1, going on 2, and they can walk by themselves. But the worst thing happened...it was so bad. We were getting them outside and I opened the door to take them out and one of the others was trying to shut it and I heard Olivia wailing and screaming and I ran inside to see what was wrong and her last two fingers on her left hand were caught in the door! It was so horrible and I felt SO BAD. Her pinky finger was bleeding and I shouted to Melanie and she ran up and picked her up to take her inside to get an ice pack and get her cleaned up, and call her mom of course.

So I waited outside with the other 4 kids, trying to get them to play, but I was still so taken back by what had just happened and I felt like it was my fault; I felt SO HORRIBLE. Olivia's such a cute little girl and, ugh, just to see that happen was the worst. But she came back out with Melanie with an ice pack on her fingers, they were so swollen, but she seemed fine after that and not too long after, her mom showed up to take her home. So that was the end of that. But then Natalie started to cry like uncontrollably so I took her inside and gave her sippy cup to her. She was MADDDD thirsty because she gulped it down in like 2 seconds.

And now I'm just home alone, sitting here with nothing to do; trying to make plans, but that isn't going so well at the moment...but hey, maybe something will turn up.

Dancing.

Time is gonna take my mind

And carry far away where I can fly

The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you

If I were to be alone, silence would rock my tears

'Cause it's all about love and I know better

How life is a waving feather



So I put my arms around you ;; around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you ;; they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking



No, I won't step back, but I'll look down to hide from your eyes

'Cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath

Oh could burst if it were a bubble

And I'd better dream if I have to struggle



So I put my arms around you ;; around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you ;; they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me



I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you

No need for anything but music

Music's the reason why I know time still exists

Time still exists ;; Time still exists ;; Time still exists



So I just put my arms around you ;; around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you ;; they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

How do mere words on a page cause you to feel so much? It changes your whole mood; your atmosphere; thinkings on your life and what's going on and the next steps to take and when to take them. It changes your whole persona on anything and everything you're thinking about no matter what they are. It can help you move on with the bad and accept it and bring on the good in order to embrace it with the same strength and as willingly as ever before. It helps you cope; helps you know that you're not alone when all else fails. It gives you motivation to do the impossible--things you never would've even begun to think about possibly achieving in your slightest dreams and thoughts while living. It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

I miss her.

Shayna Lans.

Like the days go by so fast and slow at the same time. It feels like the days fly by but the hours drag on and onnnnnn. And all of a sudden, it's August and so much and so little happens and then all the people you love have gone to school. It's emotional and fast and slow at once.

You're so strong thoughhhh...I can't even imagine but you are the epitome of a strong fighter. Well, you're so ridiculously strong, I can't believe youuuuu! I respect and admire and i love you for it; and you make me cry! Well it's incredible how moving you truly are! You're so inspirational, girl! You have some ridiculous power.

Be in the new Batman! I love Batmannnnnnn <333 It was amaaaaazing! I'm like obsessed with it. I watch clips on youtube over and over and oveeeeeeeeer.

Aww yeah, I feel like Caylin told me you were intimidated; but this year taught me a lot about what is and isn't important. Like intimidation and popularity is so so overrated now and I'm so over that and I'd rather be a real person; not fake and popular, you know? I'd rater be real and cool to talk to.

You totally are growing on me, Ginny Germakian...=D but I'm gonna say goodnight now babe <3 I'll talk to you soon. Love you cutiegirlllll!








I heard about her all the time from other people in my grade more over into the "popular scene" while going through 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. By the time I first saw what she looked like, I immediately remembered her being on one of my pee-wee soccer teams back in maybe 3rd grade or so. I remembered a lot about her from then. She was a nice girl; always willing to lend a hand and very, very pretty...nothing had changed when I soon met her this past year. Everything about it scared me. She was part of this group and I don't know what it was but just the girls who were in it with her scared the fucking crap out of me. Maybe it was the way they looked; all of them, the same glares you give to someone you don't know...

She was in my fourth period honors french 2 class and over that year in that class together, we bonded; growing stronger and stronger in our friendship. It surprised me. How I thought of her in the beginning and now looking at what it had magically happened over a course of ten months of being around each other. She said she had gotten sick of her old friends and the way they had come to be to one another, treating her with little respect; which wasn't what anyone wanted. So she pulled herself away, slowly but surely, and now she seems a lot happier with herself and with her life, not being held down by their bad reputations.

She's a good kid; hard-working, caring, easy to talk to...extremely easy to talk to. I could pour out my whole life story to her and she wouldn't get bored with me in the slightest. And I would say and do the same for her. She's not like many other girls I've met. Not like many girls I've been around before with that look of intimidation written across her forehead when you first lay eyes on her without knowing the slightest detail about who she is and what she stood for.

She's funny and and all-around wonderful person to be around for hours on end. She knows what she's talking about and knows exactly what to say most of the time. And I somehow feel that the things I can never seem to explain myself, she can with no hesitation whatsoever. It fascinates me and at the same time it just bewilders the shit out of me. I would have never thought this would be happening but we're actually a lot closer than I would have anticipated before I had even seen what she looked like after hearing her name countless times.

It's funny how things happen. They all happen for a reason. I think the reasoning behind this was that people can change; cliques can mesh. I wouldn't call myself the most popular person in my grade but I definitely wouldn't say that people don't know who I am when my name is mentioned or I'm seen in the hallways. I made a good name for myself before high school and I've made so many new friends since. But her of all people, I would have never expected to be involved with. She really is a great friend and I don't know how to describe it or say it really, but I would have never seen this coming.

This makes me shed a new light on people and how they aren't all the same sometimes. I used to think that the people she ran with were all mostly, if not basically identical, the same personality wise and she's proven me wrong. Which I find surprising and in a way, not surprising at all. She's the kind of person who doesn't hold stupid boundries like groups of friends or cliques [[to be frank]] seriously and she'll talk to anyone. As she said before...she'd rather be real and cool to talk to than fake and popular.