the dust has only just begun to fall

So now today has been transformed into a half-day.  We had a stupid fucking bomb scare this morning at like 10:30 and we went to the elementary school again.  Last year it was a gas leak.  So are we going to alternate every other year now?  I guess.  Because the year before last, there was another bomb scare.  Come go to school at Pascack Valley!  Hah yeah.

Anyways, it's now a half-day.  It's "seventh" period and that means we didn't have to change for gym.  Yessss.  So I'm sitting here and I'm so beyond bored and way too overtired to be pleasant.  I also haven't eaten anything all day too.  I'm so fucking hungry, but I don't have any money.  I have to get a job like PRONTO.  I need money, it's not even funny.  This economy situation is getting pretty bad now.  I don't like it.

I really wanna see Brandi.  We've been having a serious communication problem lately.  I text her, I wait for her response, I go to sleep, and then I wake up the next morning for school and look at my phone to see that she responded to my text while I was already asleep.  It's getting me so mad that I cannot find a decent time to talk to this girl.  We have all of next week off so I wanna fix that and see her.  It's her birthday next Friday on the 20th, but I doubt I'll be seeing her on her birthday.  She'll probably be with her boyfriend.  The one who I still haven't met, but I don't know.  She's come to me a few times about things to do because some stuff's happened between them.  And I keep telling her that I wouldn't know as much as she would because I have yet to be in that kind of relationship yet.  But I'm pretty good with situations and handling things, so I helped her and I think she's okay.  I miss her a lot.

I miss Christine too.  Oh my god, I felt like such an idiot.  The whole time I was trying to text her and talk to her because I just needed someone so bad, her phone's screen was broken.  Fucking broken.  And all that time, I thought she was ignoring me or not reading my messages or something.  I feel like such a douche for thinking that because of course she cares.  I can't even recount all the numerous times she's told me she loves me and has meant it every time.  So I have no clue why I thought that.  No, I do.  I over-think and blow things out of proportion WAY too much when the situation's so little.  I take everything out of hand.  I guess I can't grasp the idea of simplicity.  Alright, well I hope that I see her sometime soon too.  She said that with school being so busy, she doesn't have that much free time on her hands, but I hope she can find some.  I haven't hung out with her at all.  Never.  The only times I see her are at MDI related things.  So yeah.  I don't know.

Hmm, what else?  I talked to Marlene on the way back to the high school from the bomb scare safe-zone.  Well, I talked or at least I tried to.  She didn't really seem like she wanted to carry on much of a conversation.  She was sick, coughing and shit, but whatever.  I tried to ask if she wanted to do something over break and she was thinking out loud of the idea of getting a whole group.  I don't think she got the hint that I kind of just want to talk and hang out with her alone.  We have a lot to talk about and I would prefer if we didn't have an audience.

I also really want to reconnect with Shayna sometime soon too.  I miss her.  I miss so many people who I used to be so close with and now our actions between each other have been reduced to maybe 30-second conversations and waves and hello's in the hallways as we pass each other.  I don't like it at all.  I have so many people whom I used to be such good friends with and now they seem like strangers.  The same with Robin.  I've been seeing her all day today, like legit, everywhere I've been going and I've been thinking the same about her too.  I want to talk to her again, be friends like we used to be.  I know she's a senior and all, but that shouldn't matter.  I used to have really intense talks with her and now we seriously don't talk at all.  Just pass-by's in the hallways as always.

I want to fix so many things, but it's like there isn't enough time for everything now.  Everything's being jammed together and I can't even find the time to breathe.  I don't know what's going on and things are happening at light speed, whizzing past me before I have any time at all to regain my composure and just think about what just happened.  I'm losing myself and I need to gain my control back.  Desperately.  That's all for now.