back on subject

Okay, so I'm still on the same topic I was on my previous post.  So now, there are like a million and one things bothering me.  Well not literally, but it definitely feels like it.  And it's so fucking annoying to go through and organize all of my problems from priority and what I want to fix first.  It all depends on the importance, I guess.  What I value most as opposed to what's actually realistic. It's ridiculous and yet it feels really prevalent.  It's something I just HAVE to do.  I'm the kind of person that if there's something wrong in my life, I can't just leave it be.  I can't just let it go on past me, still lingering in the back of my mind.  I won't be at full appreciation of myself until I fix it, as opposed to letting it go unsolved.  I can't just forgive and forget and then that's the end of it either.  I know it's stupid and in some instances, I know I'm probably wasting all of my time and energy agonizing over it, but it's what I feel to be right and I won't settle for less.  I've just been having all of these problems with different friends and then things that I want to tell specific people all the time, but I never do.  I don't understand it myself.  I want to tell people how distanced I feel from them, I want to see their faces, I want to get to know them better than I already do [[or if I don't anymore and try to fix it, which I'm presently doing]], I want to know that they care about me as a person and as one of their friends and don't deliberately blow me off all the time or ignore me when I try to talk to them.  Because all of this has happened.  And I don't get it.  I don't get how someone can ignore someone with whom they used to talk to all the time or spend so much of their time with.  I don't get how a human mind can just "forget" so fast.  Although, it's not memory, but they're just blocking things out.  I don't know why that would have a reasoning for happening, but it's always depending on the situation.  From what I recall, I haven't done anything to get anyone annoyed at me.  Or maybe I have.

I don't know.  I'm always really paranoid when it comes to that.  I talk to people and then when they don't respond, I try and try to contact them, but I always have that though in my mind that I'm being some kind of annoying person in their lives and they'd just want me to stop.  But usually that's not the case at all.  But that's what I always think.  I always come to that point in my mind where I over think too many things and overanalyze a fairly easy situation.  And I always think it's bigger than it really is.  Maybe I have some sort of deficiency.  Maybe I'm just messed up like that.  I don't know.  Whatever.  I'm going to try and figure this all out.  We have break in like 2 weeks.  So I can spend some of that time rekindling some things.  I guess I'll see how it goes and hope it's in the direction I want to go in.