repetitive feeling.

I feel like whenever I post on here, I'm always saying how I should post more and that I've had no time and that it's getting annoying and I really need to. WOW SO WEIRD, BECAUSE THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE. I'm sitting in the office today on a Friday because I have a lovely in-school detention FOR BEING LATE TO SCHOOL. So I guess that means that I'm lumped together with all of the pot/boge smokers, kids with bad attitudes, assholes, etc etc. KCOOL. My school administration is retarded, honestly. I got a detention on my SECOND TIME being late. WTF. I know for a fact that your third late is supposed to be a detention. The first two are warnings. And then I get an in-school on the fifth one? Seriously, Pascack Valley, what the actual fuck? I mean, in the first place, who has ever heard of getting an in-school detention for being late to school anyway? That's just retarded. Ugh I'm so pissed off right now. This means this goes on my record and colleges will see it and, better yet, I'll always be known as some girl who's gotten an in-school to the administration and the people in the office. None of them know me. Although, I've had a few clarifications today with the office staff asking me what I did to get an in-school. I pumped it up a lot being like, "oh well, you know, i...WAS LATE TO SCHOOL." Ugh fuuuuuuuuuuck. And I doubt my principal/assistant principals even know who I am. I've never talked to them before in my life, so they don't know me. It's such bull. I know for a fact that they've already labeled me in their minds without knowing who I am or ANYTHING. But ugh whatever.

And there's some other kid in here with me. I think he's a freshman. But he was basically gone for the past hour...where the fuck did he go? How was he allowed to leave for an entire hour? Well, when he got back, there was an overpowering stench of cigarette smoke, so I'm thinkin' I know what he was up to for at least a portion of that hour, if not the whole thing. Well it's 7th period right now anyway. At least the day is almost done. And then I go to dance to teach my little hip-hoppers, then my ballet girls, and have my own classes and forget about this horrible day.

OKAY FROM NOW ON: I AM NEVER GOING TO BE INEXCUSABLY LATE FOR SCHOOL AGAIN. I have to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again, so...yeah.

I've done all the work that I've had, so I've just been sitting here on my laptop for about the past hour and a half just amusing myself with pointless websites. One in particular being MyLifeIsTwilight.com and lololol it's so hilariously pitiful. These people are crazy. I have to show this to Brandi so she can break her I LOVE TWILIGHT phase and be normal again. When I say these people have no lives at all, I MEAN IT. Wow, they are just the most horrible excuse for people who actually have lives. I mean, look at these people. Like is that the most odd, messed up thing, or what?

Well, anyway, that's what I've been up to. I have to try and find some time tomorrow to go to the mall and get my cousin, Corey, something for the Christmas grab bag. I have a party at my cousin's house tomorrow night, but I don't know what time it starts. Hopefully not too early, so I'll have time to get to the mall and wrap whatever it is I get. I don't even know what he'd want. He's into motorcycles and hunting and dogs and stuff, but what the hell do I get him? I have no clue whatsoever. Maybe I should text his mom tonight to make it easier for me. Oh well, I'll figure it out. I'll figure everything out.

this is getting out of hand

I'm not posting. Like AT ALL. Ugh this is really getting on my nerves, but I have had literally NO TIME in the last month (month, yes?) since I've posted. Okay, whatever, almost a month, but still. I've had rehearsals like crazy for my holiday show THIS SUNDAYYYY and I have just been up to my neck in so many things. I don't even know what's going on. I'm sick too.

FUCK WHY? I HAVE TO BE BETTER BY SATURDAY. That's dress rehearsal for the show at the studio and then Sunday morning, we're having another rehearsal AT the college. My voice HASSSS to be okay but AT LEAST Sunday morning because I'm singing 3 songs in the show BY MYSELF. So obviously people will notice if I sound stuffy or nasally and it will just be really bad. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Also, thinking of another thing...the only time lately that I get to post on here is during school; particularly french class. Why? Because we fucking don't do shit in this class so I'm just sitting here. Funny how this is when I post here most often. Hate. This. Class. DONE.

But yeah, aside from the cold I'm starting to get, I'm SUPERRRR stoked for this show. I'm just so excited. What more can I say? I have 20+ people coming to see me and it's going to be an awesome show. Metro always puts on awesome shows, so OBVS.

& side note: wow, I think this is the most I've written on this blog in a long time. AND WHY, AGAIN? Because I have so much time in french class. Spent, no, not learning french, but typing away on my blogger. Good times.

i reached 100 posts (this being 101)

Wow, weird. Although I never update FAR as frequently as I should, and I really have to get on that because there's SO much going on that I have to put on here. A lot still from the summer. I'm just so busy lately. It's ridiculous. Junior year...LOVE IT.

...uhhhhhhm, no.

It's ACTUALLY kicking my ass so hard. So I just have so much shit going on, I barely have time to sit down and breathe, not to mention shut my eyes for more than 2 seconds. Ugh. But I will make it a priority to sit down either today or tomorrow, and just totally edit everything that I've needed to update about. I know no one really reads this, so it's not like I'm letting anyone down, but I need to do this for myself. Au revoir from French class. I hate that too. Fuck.

apparently

I'm so childish that it's hindering my ability to grasp reality and I don't want to grow up. Well you know what, fuck you. Ugh things going on this past three-day weekend have really been messing with my head and I have no patience for anything anymore. At least for right now. I'm in french class and we're supposed to be doing a project, but I'm not doing that shit. There's too much on my mind and I can't even begin to focus right now. I just have to get it all out on here. Ugh I hate things and people and stupid ideas and when people don't know or even have the slightest clue about whatever the fuck they're talking about. Fuck ignorant bitches. Just GET OUT.

I'll come back on later and explain what happened when I'm at home. I don't want to do it right now in school where there's the possibility of someone noticing and reading it. Ugh I still have to go through 5 fucking more periods and then a stupid half hour of talent night audition rehearsal with a girl I don't want to perform with and auditioning with something that I don't want to do and I'm upset that I got sucked into it in the first place. I'm too nice to tell her that I don't want to do it now, at this point anyway. I just was right now to be tomorrow after school because then I'll be in holiday show practice and I'll lose myself in learning choreography and just forget about everything.

My dad and his stupid shit with his fucking girlfriend is pissing me off again and he keeps talking about it during dinner. Like the one time she doesn't come to dinner, he still manages to find a way to incorporate her at our dinner table. I've been in the worst mood the past couple of days and I just hate everything right now. Can it just stop? Thanks. That's all I ask.

i'm just riddling with posts today

I just got back from ShopRite with my dad and now I'm in a horrible mood.  Today was just an all-around bad day and dance better cheer me up tonight.  I was in the store with my dad and I wanted to get some goldfish for snacks during the day at school because my lunch period isn't until 7th period out of the 8 periods that we have in school, so I basically don't eat until like 1:10 in the afternoon, but I don't eat breakfast either.  I never have time for it and my stomach always hurts when I do because I walk to school and I get cramps, but that's really beside the point.  So I wanted something to take to school for the morning to snack on so my stomach doesn't disembowel itself, growling for food up until 7th period.

My dad comes over after I put the goldfish in the cart and says to me, "I thought you were trying to watch your weight.  You should stay focused on trying to get back in shape, you know."

......

Fuck him.  I've been hating on myself lately, thinking I'm fat and need to lose weight and shit and he seriously has the ordacity to say that out loud, to my face?  What the fuck.  I'm a girl.  That equals = stronger emotional feelings than guys, bad moods during PMS, PMS IN GENERAL (fuck guys, they have nothing to complain about in their lives because they don't have to worry about going through the shit of PMS, pregnancy, and menopause), hating on ourselves because we never think we're good enough whether it be looks, personality, or anything else that sucks in life.  So I was craving goldfish.  IS THAT UNUSUAL?  And does that give someone I'm with the power to make a rude remark right to my face that automatically makes me feel insecure, pissed off, and annoyed?  Uhm no.

i cannot possibly stress enough

about how much i HATE french class. another class period wasted because we're not doing anything. my teacher is dumb, incompetent, and just a poor excuse for a educational instructor. & she basically just insulted the entire gay/lesbian population. this class sucks and it's only the third week of school. that's both sad and ridiculous. i could be doing something so much better, and productive for that matter, with my time. this is a huge waste of

1. my time

2. my brain cells

3. a class period that i could be doing something better in

4. just everything else in general

5. my good mood BEFORE coming to this class

yeah.

"let's just go into 'O Valencia' "

So I went to a Decemberists concert last night with Isabel, and they were absolutely AMAZING. Colin Maloy was so hilarious when he stopped to talk to everyone on stage in between songs and their whole first set was just all "Hazards of Love." After they finally finished after an hour, Colin says into his mic offstage, "THAT WAS ONLY ONE SONG!" Funniest thing ever. I'll have pictures and videos that I took uploaded shortly, but right now I'm in school, in fucking french class where we don't do anything. At least it's a half day today, so there's only 5 more minutes in the class. But every single fucking day, we just sit here and do nothing. She gives us a stupid worksheet or something to do and it's such lower lever french, it's not even funny, but no one wants to do it so we just sit here and she comes out with remarks like, "Oh, I know the vocabulary is a little tricky, so I'll give you guys a little but more time with it." Yeah. Okay. Fuck you. Fuck french class.

fear not, i didn't go anywhere

Wow, I'm getting really bad about not posting on here...like it's really bad.

Let's see, what's been going on?

• I started junior year.  KILL ME, PLEASE?  kthnx.
• I went to NY state with my cousins who I never see except for labor day weekend and a few times a year, and I really miss them and miss it up there.  We're trying to schedule a paintball match up there soon.
• I got my bottom braces on & my mouth KILLLLLLLLS.
• I can't wait for the SYTYCD tour with Brandi; it's going to be the shit.
• I also have a Decemberists concert coming up on the 21st with Isabel.
• it's getting colder out and I love it <3
• WHAT ELSE?!  I have no idea.  BUT this is a promise:  I will post on here WAYYYY more than I have been.  Like, it's kind of ridiculous how little I've been writing on here.

So yeah, that's it for today.