i can taste the difference

He still doesn't seem to be picking up the memos.  Do I have to waste my time and literally spell it out for him?  I guess i just have to.  Because that's probably the only way I'll get him to listen to anything if it's coming from me.  He should have other, more important priorities than what he's focusing on right now, and that's just damaging everything even more.

Achieved Status: my life is crap and i want to shove this all deep into the inner workings of my mind so it can collect dust in the corner from being so utterly forgotten.

a slap from reality

News Flash: No one is real and nobody cares.  That's what it ultimately comes down to.  I can't rely on anyone but myself; it's sad, but true.  People don't seem to give a crap when they don't even realize what is going on around them and how things affect the people closest to them.  They just let it pass by without saying anything.  Do you think that person cares?  Sure they do.  Or at least they wish you would.  But you don't.  So congrats to you for sinking that person lower and lower into obscurity and self pity, making them think that there is nothing they can ever do to make it right.  Do your fucking job.  Be there for them because I can definitely bet everything I have to say that they are in fucking desperate shape because you haven't been there to listen.

For now, I'm done.  Talk when you realize how much damage you've singlehandedly done.

yalpdloC

I used to rule the world.  Seas would rise when I gave the word.  Now, in the morning, I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own.  I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemy's eyes.  Listen as the crowd would sing, "Now the old king is dead!  Long live the King!"  One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me.  I discovered that my castles stand on pillars of salt and pillars of sand.

I hear Jerusalem bells 'a ringing, Roman Cavalry choirs are singing, "Be my mirror, my sword and shield."  My missionaries in a foreign field.  For some reason I can't explain, once you go, there was never, never an honest word.  That was when I ruled the world.

It was the wicked and wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in.  Shattered windows and the sound of drums; people couldn't believe what I'd become.  Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate...just a puppet on a lonely string.  Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells 'a ringing, Roman Cavalry choirs are singing, "Be my mirror, my sword and shield."  Missionaries in a foreign field.  For some reason I can't explain, once you go, there was never, never an honest word.  That was when I ruled the world.

It's true.  Nothing is the same anymore.

& by the way, I hate Mother's Day.

THE END.

too much to handle

I need that guidance sometimes.  I need to be told that everything is going to be okay when I know for sure that it won't.  I need the comfort.  I need you to ask me how I'm doing; why don't you notice when I'm upset or angry?  You just take it as disrespect because you never bother to ask how I'm really feeling inside.  You don't even care and that's why I never open up on my own.

It's never been easy.  Who ever said that this was going to be any different?  I know how I feel and I know what I think and you don't seem to give a shit.  It's not all about you.  I can't keep it together all the time.  I have my breaking points and my moments of severe vulnerability and I always have to know that someone's going to be there for me, but that has yet to happen.

So here's to you and all that you've put me through.  Thanks again for your ignorance.

"If you have ballet and hip hop under your belt, you can fake just about anything"

-Travis Wall

So You Think You Can Dance runner up Season 2 (2006)

I wonder what it would have been like if I knew certain things...

I wonder if my mom wished that she could have kissed me goodnight the night before she died.  Or if she regrets not helping me pick out dresses when I got invited to my friends' bat mitzvahs.  Or not being able to see me in the lead role of my 8th grade school musical.  Or wishing that she could have made me breakfast on my first day of high school.  I catch myself thinking what she would think if she could see me dance; wondering if she would be proud of me and happy that I've found something that I love to do.  I wonder every day and I still don't know the answer.  I would always assume that it would be a definite 'yes,' but I can never know for sure.  That's what always upsets me the most.  Thoughts have died...along with everything else.