I wonder what it would have been like if I knew certain things...

I wonder if my mom wished that she could have kissed me goodnight the night before she died.  Or if she regrets not helping me pick out dresses when I got invited to my friends' bat mitzvahs.  Or not being able to see me in the lead role of my 8th grade school musical.  Or wishing that she could have made me breakfast on my first day of high school.  I catch myself thinking what she would think if she could see me dance; wondering if she would be proud of me and happy that I've found something that I love to do.  I wonder every day and I still don't know the answer.  I would always assume that it would be a definite 'yes,' but I can never know for sure.  That's what always upsets me the most.  Thoughts have died...along with everything else.