how could this have slipped my mind?

So I completely forgot to mention something that occurred this weekend.  Rachel came home FINALLY!  I hadn't seen her since two days before she left for school, which was August 24th, so I saw her on the 22nd.  Looking at the date of this past weekend and comparing it to that one, you get a pretty damn long time.  But you know, I think the time was actually kind of rewarding, in a way.  It made me anticipate her so much more and it caused me to miss her more every day that I didn't see her.  It was hard, but we did it.  So she comes home to go to her cousin's bat mitzvah in Long Island and she said on Monday, she would come and see me.  So I was stoked.

And then at 3:00 P.M., on the dot if I might add, on Monday, I hear the doorbell ring and see her standing outside on my front step.  That was probably the best moment of the whole weekend; she was actually here.  Not in

the city, not doing shitloads of work which she's probably HARD AT WORK doing right now, but here.  In Hillsdale, in Jersey, at my house.  It was the most surreal feeling I've had in a long time.  And I hadn't even opened the door yet.  So I'm sure you can imagine what I must have felt like when I jetted out the door and slammed a hug into her, right?  Yeah, pretty much the best.

And then the next day, we had school so she came in during chamber and sat in and visited with everyone, which was great.  Although I had the world's worst, splitting headache that day so I really couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to but I didn't mind that.  I had gotten my time with her the day before so I was satisfied.  Although, we didn't get to spend as much time together as I wanted on Monday.  I had practice that night and while she was at my house, Lisa actually called me to see if I could come in earlier.  So that dampened things a little bit, but hey, it's about 100 times better than not even getting to see her at all, isn't it?  I thought so...

So yeah, that was mainly the highlight of this past weekend and it was just basically the most indescribable feeling in the world as to what it felt like to know that she was actually here, in my room, hanging out with me.  UGH it was just so great!  I can't wait until she comes down again.  I'm already looking forward to it.

And class tonight was as usual.  We're so insane, I swear.  Lisa must put something in our water bottles and then re-seal them.  I mean, we ALWAYS feel the need to just act like COMPLETE LUNATICS and still learn things at the same time.  But hey, that's what family does...=]  So Christine's Sweet 16 is tomorrow night =]  Lisa gave us the night off from class to get ready and everything and in exchange, we switched fridays classes to monday, so we kind of already did them.  It's going to be fun, I'm definitely excited.  I'll have pictures somewhere after the party and I'm sure something insane will go down worth talking about...or at least I kind of have an inkling of hope that it will hah.  Night!

live && let live.

I never really understood the points of symbolism.  A teacher asks you to connect story lines and yet how is there only one right answer?  There's not.  There can be so many different types of answers for one sentence that it may just make your brain hurt too much.  Something can have so many meanings and yet people can never see the logic in that.  How is one person supposed to know what the author was thinking when he/she wrote that passage?  I doubt they were inside their head or sitting at their side, asking questions.  So in truth, can't the answer be whatever we want it to be?  I think so.

So can't that be applied to almost everything?  There's no right and wrong answer to every question or event that occurs throughout every second of everyday of life.  That would be impossible to record.  And what about small, miniscule things as opposed to gigantic, colossal happenings?  Shouldn't the small matter as much as the big?

I think people take the unimportant things in life into too much consideration.  They worry about specifics when they should really be focusing on the "bigger picture," as we say it.  Letting stress, nerves, and fear overpower what clear judgement they have instilled in their minds from the very start of humanity itself.  Free thinkers get diminished to being told what to do.  Everything is controlled.  It's careful and painstaking and vigilant.  Nothing is ever the same anymore once it leaks out into the public eye.  It was once a well-kept secret before someone spilled to a dishonest carrier.  And now it's everywhere.

Then what happens?  It becomes the biggest thing since sliced bread and then gradually, people start to forgive and forget.  It eases away, back into obscurity with much less fire power than it came in with.  And that's what the bad thing is.  Exposure weakens something so vast.  Isn't that true?  That's what I've come to believe.

don't you forget about me.

Okay I haven't posted in a bit.  Sorry for the brief interruption.  So I was sick last week which probably had something to do with the lack of postage.  We've also been having regular non-full weeks of school.  But unfortunately, next week incorporates ALL five days.  So I guess you can say I've been busy.  And the cruise is only roughly three weeks away.  I can't even begin to come to terms with that.  It's almost here.  And I'm so beyond stoked.  The Holiday Show is, as of all that I know, officially cancelled; which sucks.  I'm gonna miss hearing "Happy Holiday" and doing that obnoxious, yet totally in sync, kickline and hearing the annoyingly popular tune of "Jinga-ling" every other night at the studio.  I really was looking forward to this year's show, not gonna lie.  But hey, there's always the spring...maybe?  I have no idea.  But a girl can wish, right?

In other news, as I told you previously, I was sick last week.  Fever, aching muscles and bones, running/stuffy nose...the works!  Oh and I took a shower last Thursday and didn't realize I had a fever.  You know, most times when I'm sick and I get in the shower, it's to feel relaxed and better and hope that the steam will somehow clear my sinuses.  But NO, I have to be on the verge of a panic attack and ALMOST [[yes, I said almost]] pass out.  How bad would that have been?  Ugh, I don't even want to think about it.  But yeah, I had everything.  Apparently, you're not supposed to go in the shower with a fever.  It triggers all the wrong things to happen.  I started feeling like my hearing was inching away.  You know, like when you have earphones in and you slowly press the volume lower and lower until you can't hear anything?  Yeah, that's what was going on.  And my vision was gradually darkening by the second I was in there.  It started with dots until it got to almost on the verge of blackness before I shut off the water, in the middle of conditioning, and just got out in a towel to breathe in the cold air.  That made me feel better and gave me the delusion that I would never take another shower again.

Call it what you want, but I successfully proved that scare wrong because I did go back in.  And it turned out that when I got out of the shower, I had a 103.5 fever.  So yeah as you can see, it was sort of a blackout waiting to happen kind of situation.  Of all things, right?

So Twilight comes out in 36 days now.  I'm so excited.  I got Speak [[the movie]] from the library today and watched it and Kristen was just amazing.  It was a really good movie, I have to say.  It stayed very close to the book and everything; not what the avid reader would expect.  I'm glad I got it.  I've been determined to watched basically every movie that Kristen Stewart has been in before Twilight comes out so yeah.  Alright, I'm gonna go, that's it.

this is XTREMELY awkward.

So I'm sitting in 6th period lunch and I'm at the french club table for extra credit.  I'm getting an A- but hey, why not?  I want to do extremely well this year and if this is what I have to do to get there, I'm all for it.  But anyway, that's not my point.  My point is that this is sufficiently awkward.  I have one of my friends here, but she's friends with some other people sitting here who I'm not.  And it's a little on the touchy side cause I'm obviously tuned into my iPod right now and typing on my laptop doing this and not paying attention to anything else.

Sub. =]

So there's a sub in french class today...it's third period, 10:05 A.M. and I am so, totally ecstatic.  We're just doing work my teacher assigned us, and I don't really feel like doing it.  Uhm, so not much has really been happening, I guess.  Practice last night was as usual.  Except Caylin wasn't there.  I saw her while heading to first period this morning, and I asked her where she was.  Se just had a lot of work to do and her parents were tied up with doing things and her back was hurting, but she'll be in class tonight.  Ugh, pointe tonight.  My feet have not yet gotten used to my pointe shoes after going a whole summer with not even putting them on once.  It kills like a bitch, but I do love it, I really do.  It's so pretty to watch if you're a spectator and if you're dancing, it kind of just makes it all the more better.  So anyways, I'm just sitting here, listening to my iPod...there's not much to do when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, I guess.

I'm looking over at my friend's screen and it seems that she's setting up a blogger account right now as I type.  That should be fun to chat about later.  I'm not gonna say anything now...1. because it's totally silent and I wouldn't wanna do anything to disturb that AND the sub over that the desk looks like she'd bite my head off if I sneezed or anything.  and 2. I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention and she's all the way on the other side of the room [[oh, what a big room it is..."/]]  But yeah, wow, Rhythm As A Dancer just came on my iPod...good times.  That was like, what, five years ago, already?  Shit, time goes so fast at Metro, it's ridiculous.  I can still remember my first day.  But I don't think I have the time to go into that right now.  I have to be pretending like I'm being a good, little student and doing my work.  Pshhh, yeah right. =]

I found this amazing band on Frostwire the other day, if that's any interest to anyone...they're called the Vitamin String Quartet and they basically take any popular group/band/solo artist's songs and turn them into violin pieces.  They're really incredible, I have to say...Rebecca tipped me off about them and I've just been downloading they're albums illegally for hours and hours.  Hahah  I know, how does that sound?  But yeah, they're arrangements are the songs exactly, but no vocals and very little input from other instruments other than violins and cellos and I've been listening to it ever since I downloaded them all.

Hmm...what else...class ends at 10:35 and it's still only 10:20.  Time is going by so slowly today.  It's probably the rain.  Ugh, my god, I had to walk to school this morning in it, it was horrible.  My jeans got totally, completely drenched from like my calf, down.  And yes, I did have an umbrella.  But hey, wanna hear a funny story?  Ok, so you know those people you may sometimes see walking down a street on a rainy day with their umbrella and it's really REALLY windy?  And you know how at some off chance of utter bad luck and huge gust of wind blows directly at them and completely turns their umbrella inside-out?  Yeah, well that was me walking to school and it happened TWICE.  My god, I just wish I could drive.  I'm in drivers ed. now, but still, my birthday's in April and then I only get my permit.  I don't get my license until April of senior year.  But hey, it's something I guess, right?  But yeah, it was just wonderful timing.  And  I'm one of the kids who [[thank god]] lives only about a block away from the school so it's like a 10 minute walk downhill for me, but I'm also, unfortunately, one of the kids who's older 24-year-old brother leaves the house at 6:30 every morning to go to the Bronx and teach little fifth graders and who's dad goes to Florida with his friend to help with a house down there and shuffle furniture back and forth for 10 days...TOTALLY love my luck.

So class is over in 10 minutes and I don't know what else to talk about.  We have 2 days off [[Tuesday and Wednesday]] for a Jewish holiday that I do know the name of, but will not try my luck to spell because I will most likely get it wrong.  So that's some good news.  I still might have my history test on Monday though but apparently we have an assembly that day, that period, so my teacher told us to be prepared for it.  I hope it's not on Monday.  I don't even know what the hell is going on the that class, it's ridiculous.  And my teacher is fucking crazy-eccentric.  It was funny at first but now it's a little much.  She always NEEDS coffee in the morning to function although I personally think that she could just get by on her annoying burst of peppiness that she denies she actually has every morning.

Now class is over in 5 minutes so I'm thinking I might wrap this up and just sit and listen to my iPod for the remainder of time.  Yeah...that's it for now.  Maybe I'll comment some more today if anything else worth telling happens.

&

This is THE BEST Twilight picture I have ever seen...I'm kind of in love with it.  See what I'm talking about when I describe this as a completely unhealthy obsession?  Yeah, I wasn't kidding...<33333 UGH THE BEST.  11/21/08

american psycho.

So, I was right.  It hasn't been a month since I last posted, but it has been a hell of a long time.  Which is odd, cause I usually post like every other day.  I've just been in a daze I guess, and I apologize.  Like I'm apologizing to anyone anyway...no one really reads this except for maybe like three people, and I don't even know how often they do read it, so I'm basically just talking to myself.  But I do like getting things out.  That's the main point of a blog right?  It's used for venting/ranting purposes...that's how I use it.  But then again, I really don't know where I'm going with this anyway, so I'll just get right on to the blogging portion of my post.

So last Monday, I went into work and at the end [[6 o'clock]] my boss pulls me into the office, which she never does because I do a damn good job there, and tells me that the news she has "makes things sad but I wasn't in trouble."  So right then, I knew where it was going, and surely enough, I was right.  I got let go because she needed someone who could get there earlier [[at 2 and i could only get there at 3:30 cause i have school, obviously]] and who could work 5 days a week [[I couldn't because I have classes on Thursday and Friday nights]].  So that kinda sucked, gotta say.  And then she tells me that she has dates for me to come in a substitute.  I was pretty pissed that she tells me this AFTER she lets me go, but whatever, I still took it.  Why not get some extra money?

So that was that.  Now I'm job-hunting so I can earn money for the rest of the year and not feel like a total waste.  OH and I found out a while ago [[I totally forgot to say this in an older post, but that's fine]] that Twilight is coming out EVEN EARLIER.  It's now due to premier in theaters on November 21st!  GAHHH I'm so stoked, it's not even funny and I am SOOOO going to the midnight showing...I don't have a care in the world that it's a Friday morning at 12:00 A.M.  I'm going and that's final.  I even found all this Twilight merch at Hot Topic and YES I bought most of it...XD  I'm pathetic and this is an EXTREMELY unhealthy obsession, I know, but I seriously can't help it.  It's like a drug addiction.

I also bought all these new book, which I have yet to read since they're all so thick.  But it should keep me pretty busy for the time being, what with school and occasionally subbing at the nursery school.  And I cleaned my entire room today so I feel pretty proud of myself.  I have to say, it does sound weird, but it feels nice walking into a nice clean, organized room.  And then I went to Isabel's house with Nicole and Lucas and we watched American Psycho and even though the movie is totally insane, it was the most hilarious thing to watch for 2 hours.  It was just so ridiculously dark that it made it so funny.  And I know that's horrible to say, but it's true.  For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about, American Psycho is a book made into a movie starring Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman and he's basically this wealthy stiff business man who goes completely insane and morphs into this deranged murderer and nobody knows it.  Yeah, it's definitely a little odd but oh my god, it was the funniest thing I've even seen.  I just pictured him as Batman the entire time and that probably contributed to what made it so weird.

I've been feeling so detached from my best friend for so long and whenever I try to make plans with her, something always comes up, or she's busy, or whatever.  So nothing happens and I just feel that whole distancing thing getting bigger and bigger by the second that we don't hang out and talk or anything.  It's really not good because it's like, well I don't feel like I'm losing my best friend, but sort of a feeling of like losing what I knew.  She's completely changed and it's just really weird.  She's not the same person I used to stay up at night on the phone with or hang out in her room, talking about pointless shit.  I don't know, a lot of things are changing.

I've also been feeling weird around Christine.  She never really talks to me that much anymore and I don't know why.  And Brandi never gets back to me like 99% of the time that I try to talk to her about anything.  It feels really distancing and I don't like it.  I always loved talking to them and now it's like we're all cutting each other off for some stupid reason.  I just want things back to the way they were.  College is definitely changing them.  Not so much Christine because I see her all the time, but Brandi, god yes.  She never returns my text messages or gets back to me on facebook if like days later or anything.  I don't know what that girl's up to.  But I'm gonna try and let it not bother me that much.  But I just wanna let you know, if by any chance either of you are reading this right now, can we please talk?  There's so much I wanna tell both of you and it's like I never get the chance to.  And I'd like that.  You guys were like the best ones in my life that I could always talk to about anything and now it's like that's fading, and I don't want that to go away.  Not yet; not now.

wow this isn't me.

So I haven't posted in forevers. I really don't know why. It's not like I haven't "had the time" or anything...I just haven't. But anyways school started. Sophomore year. And it's already starting to quicken up at the pace...weird. And classes at MDI start tomorrow night for me. Wow, it's been 7 years for me. That's insane. And I'm so happy about it. And work started for the year. Ugh I'm already getting sick of my boss, I swear. She's been getting on basically everyone's nerves all the time, it's sort of ridiculous. But enough about that...the kids I teach are just to cutest things ever. They're a new group who aren't even 1 year yet. I'll get pictures soon, you can be sure of that. But they're just so good and they don't talk, which is a plus haha. And I can definitely say that I'm already so attached to them after only 3 months. They can barely talk yet too so I kind of just carry on regular conversations with them AS IF they knew what I was saying...oh well. I've kind of been feeling a little weird lately. Ever since the end of August...specifically after the 4-year mark passed. I've just been finding myself thinking about nothing BUT it and getting depressed on the spot sometimes. It's not uncommon for someone like me and I think all I could really use, and need, is just someone to sit down and talk with. Well, I'll post later...and no, it won't be a month from now. Promise.