I've finally got initiative back to write on here again. It's odd, but I felt the need to start my blogging experience back up with something that's happened today. I got picked up from work by my dad at 1:30 and we went to the diner for some lunch. He said he wasn't really hungry, so I asked what was wrong, if there was something bothering him. He then told me that my friend Colleen's father was found in the back woods of my high school, dead. I didn't know what to think other than sorrow for her and her family. I still don't know what to think, what to say. Mainly because I can identify with her so much from my own past.
My dad asked me if I heard any helicopters near by and at the time, I hadn't thought anything of it and reading people's Facebook statuses saying, "Why are there helicopters flying above my house?" and "What's going on outside with the helicopters?" He said that Mr. Collier had been missing for two days and the police were about to call off the search until the DEA came in and brought the Canine Unit, not willing to give up. He went missing late Thursday night and the body was finally uncovered by the state police this morning. Apparently he took his own life in the woods late Thursday afternoon and because of the recent amount of snowfall, his body had been undetected during the first search until the dogs were brought on the scene.
This was just the most devastating news that I had gotten in a long, long time and I know completely how Colleen is feeling right now. Just knowing that she is going through all of this brings back my own horrible flashback memories. Although, what makes it even worse for her is that only 4 years ago, her older sister, Michelle, was found dead in her college dorm and that had a large impact on Colleen and her whole family. That was the ultimate reason of why here dad took his own life. He sent a letter in the mail to his mother and father, who also reside in Hillsdale, telling them he was sorry and how he was just still so grief-stricken from Michelle's death.
When my dad and I went to their house, Colleen's older brother, Kevin, was on his way to get her from college and bring her back home. Her mom said she didn't know yet. After i got home, maybe an hour later, I updated my Facebook status, not mentioning her name or anything and she commented a few minutes later saying she loved me. With that, I knew she knew, so I sent her a message. I'll probably give her the rest of today with her family and call her tomorrow. I still cannot even formulate this in my mind. I know what she's feeling, but not in the specific manner of what happened. I lost my mom, but due to disease, not suicide. I'm sure that's a whole other feeling in itself and so much sorrow and guilt and emptiness associated with it, so much more different than losing someone to a sickness or natural cause.
I really don't know what ultimately prompted Brian Collier to take his own life when he still had such a beautiful family that's emerged from such hurt due to their daughter's passing a few years ago. After losing Michelle, he should have taken pride in what he still had in his life; he had his wife and three great kids who are just so beyond strong. No disrespect whatsoever, but what he did was the coward's way out of things. He had so many people he could have went to talk to if he felt the way he did. And it was certainly pre-meditated because of the letter he sent in the mail to his parents. He left behind a family who was still trying to get through a death that cut them so deep and now they have to deal with this newly fresh wound on top of everything else. My prayers and emotions and thoughts and love go out to the entire Collier family for this horrible loss. Most importantly, I love you, Colleen ♥
